In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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