These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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