why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
