Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just invented taco cereal.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
