Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
