Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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