I wanna bring you to show and tell
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
