Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
