a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
