I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
