I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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