Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
