Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
