walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
