Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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