We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
