who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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