This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I am morally bankrupt
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
