You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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