So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
