I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize