if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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