if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
