I am in a vortex of obligation.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
