remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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