Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
