Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
