$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
