Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
