Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
