I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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