Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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