i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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