he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I fill condoms, not promises.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
