Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
