And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
