Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
