you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
