i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
