the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
