im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
