I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
