I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
