I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dick very happy bro
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
