I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
