I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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