I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
