and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
