hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
