His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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