"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize