Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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