I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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