bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My pussy is not your playground.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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