Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
