I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You can't motorboat a personality
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
