Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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