so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
