3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
