No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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