i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
