so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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