You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
