just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize