Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
