my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just invented taco cereal.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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