ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
