U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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