The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
