Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
