We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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